Back to blogging

I have decided to go back to blogging. I enjoyed it while we were on our IVF journey.

We are getting close to a new journey....FET (frozen embryo transfer). We have decided to transfer some of our frozen embryos with my next cycle which should be this weekend if by some rare freak of nature miracle I'm not pregnant right now (yeah! like that would happen after 2 1/2 years of infertility). I will have an appointment with a local doctor on day 3 of my period. If everything is okay I will start meds. I return to the local doctor 7 days later and if the lining of my uterus is good the FET will be scheduled in New York.

Its exciting to think about being pregnant again. I miss Andrew and Kai with all my heart and I would give anything to have them back but that can't happen. I am excited to meet their brothers and sisters. Are we moving too fast -- maybe. Do we really have a choice -- no. I will be 41 in a few weeks. Time is ticking away. Our backs are up against a wall. If we use all 8 of our frozen embryos within a few months and we are unsuccessful we will still have time for the remaining IVF we paid for. This all has to be done by the end of this year.

When I have days like I did yesterday I think even more if I'm rushing too fast. Luckily days like yesterday are far and few between anymore. So yesterday we were eating lunch at Red Lobster. Early in our lunch a pregnant lady walks by. No biggie, I'm happy for her. As we are finishing a HUGE pregnant lady walks by. I laugh at how she is waddling and get sad because I should be waddling by now. The waitress comes over and says, "Did you see her! She is pregnant with twins and is due anyday!" The waterworks start. I want to be her. I want my babies back. We sit and I compose myself enough to walk out of the restaurant, giving the pg lady enough time to get to the car so I won't see her again. Next we stop by the pool store. I stay in the car, still upset. I look over and whats in the car next to me -- of course another huge pregnant lady. Andrew comes back to the car and sees my tears and asks whats wrong. I just say look in this car. He sees her and says it Gods telling us that it happens all the time and it will happen for us too. We pull out and whats in front of us -- of course, another pregnant lady. I want nothing more than to be them!