Pills, Needles, Syringes and Vials, OH MY!

The FedEx man just dropped off some of my meds for the IVF. Funny how opening boxes of needles, syringes, pills, liquid vials, gauze, alcohol wipes and sharps container can make you feel giddy. A stop at the local pharmacy tonight and I will have everything I need to get started. My baseline ultrasound and bloodwork will most likely be on Tuesday. I have my fingers crossed that everything is where it needs to be to begin.

Babies Everywhere

So we ate lunch at our usual place, Old School Bagel Cafe. The tables on each side of us had cute babies. One was tiny and new, one had huge beautiful deep brown eyes the other was small and petite. Two of the moms were discussing potty training and other children. Someday soon I want to have the same conversation. I want to take my baby out. I want happy times with my baby.

I saw an article yesterday about how women suffering from infertility can seem obsessive or single minded. The article when on to explain that its love, the love of a mother fighting for her child. That is so very true.

Here we go again!

It's almost time for IVF #2 to begin. I will start "shooting up" next week. I called the clinic this morning and reviewed my meds with the nurse. They have changed the protocol this time around. I have to have the following: Lupron, Menopur, Follistim, Ovidril, Dexamethasone, Estrace, Crinone and Doxycycline. Andrew will also take an antibiotic. I have started the process of gathering all the meds. It seems real now.

Yesterday in my therapy session I talked about how I really don't want to start the cycle. If I don't start I still have hope. If I start and fail there is no more hope for a biological child. Yeah I know we still have those frozen embies but they are horrible quality. It will work, right? I mean it worked before. Does being 11 months older make that much difference? At 41 the odds just don't look good. I keep telling myself that I have higher than average chances because it did work before. The roller coaster of emotions is making me sick.

We won't head off to New York right away this time. We are going to stay home for much of the monitoring even though it costs more to stay here. Each monitoring appointment is around $500 here. 5 monitoring appointments in New York is $500. I just don't want to be gone for a month like we did in January.

So, if you are a praying person I could use some. If you send out intentions, I could use those too. Whatever you do, keep us in your thoughts.