The phone call this morning was good news. We have 100% fertilization! All 4 embryos are growing. We will have our transfer on Friday morning. We show up at 7:30 and I will do acupuncture before and after transfer. I think I have decided that we will transfer whatever is still growing. If all 4 make it to day 3 then we will put back all 4. At my age the chance of high order multiples is very slim.
We went back to the clinic for the check up on my bladder. It is feeling better so they decided it was okay to remove the catheter. I was really glad to get rid of my little friend. One of the meds they put me on for the bladder spasms turns your urine an orange/red color. I think everyone thought I was carrying a bag of blood, it looked really gross. Not something you are used to seeing at a fertility clinic.
I still have some mild discomfort but its manageable. I am very happy that it will heal and there will be no permanent damage.
Now I just get to rest and patiently wait for my 4 little embryos to come back home to mommy.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Day From Hell
Should I start with the bad news or the bad news?
First, we only got 4 eggs. Not great. Better than 3 but not great. Our odds just went down. I had over 10 follicles. The doctor says he doesn't know what happened other than my age. Now we have to hope and pray that they are mature and that they fertilize and divide and grow. It only takes one right?
Second bad news, pain, extreme, excruciating pain. I woke up and felt like I had to pee. I mean pee like then, like pee so bad it hurt. They got me up and walked my still drugged up body to the bathroom. I peed, no real relief. I walked back and told the nurse. She got me some Tylenol and they sent me on my way.
I get back to the room and head for the toilet. I sit there in extreme pain. I'm sweating and nauseaus from the pain. I was for the Tylenol to kick in but it doesn't. I call the clinic. I am told to get out of the bathroom and rush back to the clinic.
They quickly get me back in my same room and the doctor comes in very apologetic. He thinks he must have either punctured or scraped my bladder. They do an ultrasound and everything looks okay. The doctor says my bladder needs a break so it can heal so I need a catheter. They get everything ready and start. The pain was wicked. I am crying and wiggling all over. I can't stand it. I have a high pain tolerance and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. She removes the catheter and asks if I want an IV and pain management and then try again. Didn't have to ask me twice, I jumped on that idea. She quickly put the IV back in and loaded me up with Dilaudid and other meds. It takes a little bit but I soon get some relief. They run an entire bag of IV fluids through to fill my bladder. After an hour they try again with success.
I was sent home with a script for meds, including more pain meds. The catheter will stay in until tomorrow. I have been in bed resting. I have taken 2 of the pain pills, I find if I don't the pain does start to come back. So me and my pee bag have an intimate relationship.
Tomorrow when I go back we will get our fertilization report. Please pray or send out good intentions that all 4 eggs are mature and will fertilize normally and divide as they should.
First, we only got 4 eggs. Not great. Better than 3 but not great. Our odds just went down. I had over 10 follicles. The doctor says he doesn't know what happened other than my age. Now we have to hope and pray that they are mature and that they fertilize and divide and grow. It only takes one right?
Second bad news, pain, extreme, excruciating pain. I woke up and felt like I had to pee. I mean pee like then, like pee so bad it hurt. They got me up and walked my still drugged up body to the bathroom. I peed, no real relief. I walked back and told the nurse. She got me some Tylenol and they sent me on my way.
I get back to the room and head for the toilet. I sit there in extreme pain. I'm sweating and nauseaus from the pain. I was for the Tylenol to kick in but it doesn't. I call the clinic. I am told to get out of the bathroom and rush back to the clinic.
They quickly get me back in my same room and the doctor comes in very apologetic. He thinks he must have either punctured or scraped my bladder. They do an ultrasound and everything looks okay. The doctor says my bladder needs a break so it can heal so I need a catheter. They get everything ready and start. The pain was wicked. I am crying and wiggling all over. I can't stand it. I have a high pain tolerance and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. She removes the catheter and asks if I want an IV and pain management and then try again. Didn't have to ask me twice, I jumped on that idea. She quickly put the IV back in and loaded me up with Dilaudid and other meds. It takes a little bit but I soon get some relief. They run an entire bag of IV fluids through to fill my bladder. After an hour they try again with success.
I was sent home with a script for meds, including more pain meds. The catheter will stay in until tomorrow. I have been in bed resting. I have taken 2 of the pain pills, I find if I don't the pain does start to come back. So me and my pee bag have an intimate relationship.
Tomorrow when I go back we will get our fertilization report. Please pray or send out good intentions that all 4 eggs are mature and will fertilize normally and divide as they should.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Just a Few More Days
My appointment this morning revealed that my follicles aren't quite ready yet. I am to stay on my stims for 2 more days. On Sunday night I take the last shot, a trigger shot, that will cause the eggs to mature. On Tuesday I will have the eggs retrieved. They are measuring 10 follicles so hopefully I will have at least 10 eggs. My estrogen levels are doubling every 2 days which is very good. My estrogen isn't as high as it was in January but I am growing less eggs this time. You can certainly tell that I am nearly a year older.
I was upset because I found out that the clinic is closed on Sundays. If I were to have a 5 day transfer like we did in January, it would be on Sunday. That means I have to either transfer on day 3 or 4. Day 3 embryos should be 8 cells and day 4 embryos begin compacting and are called morulas. Morulas are hard to grade because they are just a tight ball of cells, you can't really see the individual cells any longer. Grading is important because it lets you pick the best of the best. I have decided that since we will have fewer embryos this time it may not matter as much. I was also told that women of advanced maternal age often do well with transfers earlier than 5 days. Bottom line is I have no control over it and I have to trust the doctors and go with the flow.
This cycle has certainly been tougher than the one in January. I am cranky every day. My ovaries feel like tennis balls in my groin. I feel them every minute of every day. I am so ready to get the eggs out but I still have 3 more days.
I just have to keep my chin up and keep going. If we get a baby out of this I will never look back and it will all be forgotten. Hopefully this isn't all for nothing.
I was upset because I found out that the clinic is closed on Sundays. If I were to have a 5 day transfer like we did in January, it would be on Sunday. That means I have to either transfer on day 3 or 4. Day 3 embryos should be 8 cells and day 4 embryos begin compacting and are called morulas. Morulas are hard to grade because they are just a tight ball of cells, you can't really see the individual cells any longer. Grading is important because it lets you pick the best of the best. I have decided that since we will have fewer embryos this time it may not matter as much. I was also told that women of advanced maternal age often do well with transfers earlier than 5 days. Bottom line is I have no control over it and I have to trust the doctors and go with the flow.
This cycle has certainly been tougher than the one in January. I am cranky every day. My ovaries feel like tennis balls in my groin. I feel them every minute of every day. I am so ready to get the eggs out but I still have 3 more days.
I just have to keep my chin up and keep going. If we get a baby out of this I will never look back and it will all be forgotten. Hopefully this isn't all for nothing.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Slow and Steady
I had an appointment in Oklahoma City on Friday. The nurse measured 15 follicles. All of them were still small. I was instructed to stay on the same dose of medications.
After the appointment we hit the road to come to New York. The drive was totally uneventful except for Drew getting a speeding ticket. We took a little different route and came north to Buffalo and then across New York. Lake Erie is amazing!
We made it to Latham and checked into the same hotel where we have stayed each time. This time the doctor obviously negotiated a corporate rate for his patients so it is more affordable. We have a junior suite which has a king bed, separate sitting area with a sofa and table and chairs, a large work desk, mini fridge, microwave and wet bar. It works great for a long stay.
Monday we went to the clinic. It was nice seeing Greta (nurse) who I deal with over the phone. She gave me a big hug. She did the ultrasound and counted 5 or 6 follicles on each ovary. Again my estrogen is taking some time to catch up. I did make it over her goal of 300+.
It was a hard day. Part of me is so pissed because I should be home with newborns, not here, not doing this again. Doing the IVF all over again just brings back the joy and the loss of the twins.
After the appointment we hit the road to come to New York. The drive was totally uneventful except for Drew getting a speeding ticket. We took a little different route and came north to Buffalo and then across New York. Lake Erie is amazing!
We made it to Latham and checked into the same hotel where we have stayed each time. This time the doctor obviously negotiated a corporate rate for his patients so it is more affordable. We have a junior suite which has a king bed, separate sitting area with a sofa and table and chairs, a large work desk, mini fridge, microwave and wet bar. It works great for a long stay.
Monday we went to the clinic. It was nice seeing Greta (nurse) who I deal with over the phone. She gave me a big hug. She did the ultrasound and counted 5 or 6 follicles on each ovary. Again my estrogen is taking some time to catch up. I did make it over her goal of 300+.
It was a hard day. Part of me is so pissed because I should be home with newborns, not here, not doing this again. Doing the IVF all over again just brings back the joy and the loss of the twins.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Sleep?
Last night was the third night in a row with little sleep. I really need to focus today and I don't think it's going to happen. I called the clinic and the nurse said I can take Benadryl to see if it helps. She said any of the meds I am on can give you insomnia. Lack of sleep certainly isn't helping with the cranky factor!
One piece of good news, it looks like our cat Tanaka is back to normal. He didn't eat yesterday so I wondered if he was sick. He is impossible to medicate so if he was sick and needing meds we were going to have to kennel him. I'm glad I get to worry a little less about him.
Tomorrow is another trip to the doctor. I will have an ultrasound to see how the follicles are growing and bloodwork.
One piece of good news, it looks like our cat Tanaka is back to normal. He didn't eat yesterday so I wondered if he was sick. He is impossible to medicate so if he was sick and needing meds we were going to have to kennel him. I'm glad I get to worry a little less about him.
Tomorrow is another trip to the doctor. I will have an ultrasound to see how the follicles are growing and bloodwork.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Hormones and Hormones
My nightly injections started on Monday night. It's a little more complicated this time. I am on 3 injected drugs but thankfully they can all be mixed together so I only have to poke myself one time. I take 225 IU of Follistim, 225 IU Menopur and 5 units Lupron. I am also taking a low dose steroid which will hopefully keep my body from rejecting the embryos that are transferred.
I have appointments on Friday, Monday and Wednesday. It looks like we will be leaving on Friday to head to New York. I need to be there for the appointment on Wednesday. We would rather have 3 days to get there.
I have been listening to my nightly meditations and they do help me relax. I have also been having a protein shake every morning and I put a heating pad on my stomach each night to help increase blood flow. I am trying everything I can.
I have appointments on Friday, Monday and Wednesday. It looks like we will be leaving on Friday to head to New York. I need to be there for the appointment on Wednesday. We would rather have 3 days to get there.
I have been listening to my nightly meditations and they do help me relax. I have also been having a protein shake every morning and I put a heating pad on my stomach each night to help increase blood flow. I am trying everything I can.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Pills, Needles, Syringes and Vials, OH MY!
The FedEx man just dropped off some of my meds for the IVF. Funny how opening boxes of needles, syringes, pills, liquid vials, gauze, alcohol wipes and sharps container can make you feel giddy. A stop at the local pharmacy tonight and I will have everything I need to get started. My baseline ultrasound and bloodwork will most likely be on Tuesday. I have my fingers crossed that everything is where it needs to be to begin.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Babies Everywhere
So we ate lunch at our usual place, Old School Bagel Cafe. The tables on each side of us had cute babies. One was tiny and new, one had huge beautiful deep brown eyes the other was small and petite. Two of the moms were discussing potty training and other children. Someday soon I want to have the same conversation. I want to take my baby out. I want happy times with my baby.
I saw an article yesterday about how women suffering from infertility can seem obsessive or single minded. The article when on to explain that its love, the love of a mother fighting for her child. That is so very true.
I saw an article yesterday about how women suffering from infertility can seem obsessive or single minded. The article when on to explain that its love, the love of a mother fighting for her child. That is so very true.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Here we go again!
It's almost time for IVF #2 to begin. I will start "shooting up" next week. I called the clinic this morning and reviewed my meds with the nurse. They have changed the protocol this time around. I have to have the following: Lupron, Menopur, Follistim, Ovidril, Dexamethasone, Estrace, Crinone and Doxycycline. Andrew will also take an antibiotic. I have started the process of gathering all the meds. It seems real now.
Yesterday in my therapy session I talked about how I really don't want to start the cycle. If I don't start I still have hope. If I start and fail there is no more hope for a biological child. Yeah I know we still have those frozen embies but they are horrible quality. It will work, right? I mean it worked before. Does being 11 months older make that much difference? At 41 the odds just don't look good. I keep telling myself that I have higher than average chances because it did work before. The roller coaster of emotions is making me sick.
We won't head off to New York right away this time. We are going to stay home for much of the monitoring even though it costs more to stay here. Each monitoring appointment is around $500 here. 5 monitoring appointments in New York is $500. I just don't want to be gone for a month like we did in January.
So, if you are a praying person I could use some. If you send out intentions, I could use those too. Whatever you do, keep us in your thoughts.
Yesterday in my therapy session I talked about how I really don't want to start the cycle. If I don't start I still have hope. If I start and fail there is no more hope for a biological child. Yeah I know we still have those frozen embies but they are horrible quality. It will work, right? I mean it worked before. Does being 11 months older make that much difference? At 41 the odds just don't look good. I keep telling myself that I have higher than average chances because it did work before. The roller coaster of emotions is making me sick.
We won't head off to New York right away this time. We are going to stay home for much of the monitoring even though it costs more to stay here. Each monitoring appointment is around $500 here. 5 monitoring appointments in New York is $500. I just don't want to be gone for a month like we did in January.
So, if you are a praying person I could use some. If you send out intentions, I could use those too. Whatever you do, keep us in your thoughts.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Ready to Go!
I got the call from the NY clinic and we are ready to go. We will be doing the FET later this month. My prescription has been called in and is ready for pickup.
I start the meds tonight and on Tuesday I go back to the local doctor for another ultrasound and more bloodwork. If that all looks okay then the transfer will be scheduled.
I am excited yet sad. For me this marks the beginning of really moving on. I know I'm not leaving Andrew and Kai yet it feels like it. I know they are gone. The thought of being pregnant again is thrilling and scary.
I realized in therapy today that I wished people would bring Andrew and Kai up a little more. Not harp on it or talk about them everytime but just every now and then say you were thinking about them. Sometimes it seems like they are only real to Andrew, myself and a few other family members who talk freely with me about them. I know people don't know what to say and that is fine. Even saying you don't know what to say but that you were thinking about them is a wonderful thing to say. I realize its just as hard for people who are around us as it is for us. For us Andrew and Kai are still very real and are a part of our everyday lives.
I start the meds tonight and on Tuesday I go back to the local doctor for another ultrasound and more bloodwork. If that all looks okay then the transfer will be scheduled.
I am excited yet sad. For me this marks the beginning of really moving on. I know I'm not leaving Andrew and Kai yet it feels like it. I know they are gone. The thought of being pregnant again is thrilling and scary.
I realized in therapy today that I wished people would bring Andrew and Kai up a little more. Not harp on it or talk about them everytime but just every now and then say you were thinking about them. Sometimes it seems like they are only real to Andrew, myself and a few other family members who talk freely with me about them. I know people don't know what to say and that is fine. Even saying you don't know what to say but that you were thinking about them is a wonderful thing to say. I realize its just as hard for people who are around us as it is for us. For us Andrew and Kai are still very real and are a part of our everyday lives.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
She's Here!!!
My period finally came. I have my baseline appointment tomorrow at 11:00. When I called the clinic in NY to let them know to get me in the schedule my regular monitoring nurse was on vacation. I miss Greta. Evertime I called she knew who I was and what I was doing. It felt nice to be remembered. I will get a call from the NY clinic on Friday to let me know if everything is on go. If it is, the tranfer will likely be August 16th or 17th. I am getting excited!
Isn't it cool, today, the day I start my period, day 1 of the FET cycle is my and Andrew's wedding anniversary. The embryo transfer may be on my mom and dads wedding anniversary. I like how its lining up.
Isn't it cool, today, the day I start my period, day 1 of the FET cycle is my and Andrew's wedding anniversary. The embryo transfer may be on my mom and dads wedding anniversary. I like how its lining up.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Will the witch arrive?
I have been waiting and waiting for my period to get here. The start of my period is the start of the FET cycle. The wicked witch is a few days late. No, I'm not pregnant. I tested a few days ago, blaring negative. My temp dropped this morning which usually leads to my period that day or the next. Looks like the embryo tranfer will be August 16 or 17. I might try to make it the 17th if they will let me because that is mom and dads wedding anniversary.
I love planning trips so it looks like I will get to spend some time planning over the next few days. I really wanted to stay a night on the beach but it is really expensive. I might use the money for something else. I did find a reasonable place to stay on the Navasink River in Red Bank. It looks really nice, might stay there for my birthday.
I sure hope our little frozen miracles leads to a take home baby.
Sometimes I feel like I am leaving Andrew and Kai behind. I have to remind myself that I am not forgetting them. They will always be with me not matter what direction my life takes. I know they would want me to carry on and have healthy babies to bring home. I sure miss them....
I love planning trips so it looks like I will get to spend some time planning over the next few days. I really wanted to stay a night on the beach but it is really expensive. I might use the money for something else. I did find a reasonable place to stay on the Navasink River in Red Bank. It looks really nice, might stay there for my birthday.
I sure hope our little frozen miracles leads to a take home baby.
Sometimes I feel like I am leaving Andrew and Kai behind. I have to remind myself that I am not forgetting them. They will always be with me not matter what direction my life takes. I know they would want me to carry on and have healthy babies to bring home. I sure miss them....
Thursday, July 22, 2010
BFN
Big Fat Negative on the pregnancy test this morning. Looks like we will be going to New York. At least I have that to look forward to. I'm a tiny bit disappointed. I guess I was hoping for some sort of miracle. There is an old wives tale that you are more fertile in the months following a miscarriage. I guess I don't get that positive outcome from the loss. Oh well, enough feeling sorry for myself -- onward and upward.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Back to blogging
I have decided to go back to blogging. I enjoyed it while we were on our IVF journey.
We are getting close to a new journey....FET (frozen embryo transfer). We have decided to transfer some of our frozen embryos with my next cycle which should be this weekend if by some rare freak of nature miracle I'm not pregnant right now (yeah! like that would happen after 2 1/2 years of infertility). I will have an appointment with a local doctor on day 3 of my period. If everything is okay I will start meds. I return to the local doctor 7 days later and if the lining of my uterus is good the FET will be scheduled in New York.
Its exciting to think about being pregnant again. I miss Andrew and Kai with all my heart and I would give anything to have them back but that can't happen. I am excited to meet their brothers and sisters. Are we moving too fast -- maybe. Do we really have a choice -- no. I will be 41 in a few weeks. Time is ticking away. Our backs are up against a wall. If we use all 8 of our frozen embryos within a few months and we are unsuccessful we will still have time for the remaining IVF we paid for. This all has to be done by the end of this year.
When I have days like I did yesterday I think even more if I'm rushing too fast. Luckily days like yesterday are far and few between anymore. So yesterday we were eating lunch at Red Lobster. Early in our lunch a pregnant lady walks by. No biggie, I'm happy for her. As we are finishing a HUGE pregnant lady walks by. I laugh at how she is waddling and get sad because I should be waddling by now. The waitress comes over and says, "Did you see her! She is pregnant with twins and is due anyday!" The waterworks start. I want to be her. I want my babies back. We sit and I compose myself enough to walk out of the restaurant, giving the pg lady enough time to get to the car so I won't see her again. Next we stop by the pool store. I stay in the car, still upset. I look over and whats in the car next to me -- of course another huge pregnant lady. Andrew comes back to the car and sees my tears and asks whats wrong. I just say look in this car. He sees her and says it Gods telling us that it happens all the time and it will happen for us too. We pull out and whats in front of us -- of course, another pregnant lady. I want nothing more than to be them!
We are getting close to a new journey....FET (frozen embryo transfer). We have decided to transfer some of our frozen embryos with my next cycle which should be this weekend if by some rare freak of nature miracle I'm not pregnant right now (yeah! like that would happen after 2 1/2 years of infertility). I will have an appointment with a local doctor on day 3 of my period. If everything is okay I will start meds. I return to the local doctor 7 days later and if the lining of my uterus is good the FET will be scheduled in New York.
Its exciting to think about being pregnant again. I miss Andrew and Kai with all my heart and I would give anything to have them back but that can't happen. I am excited to meet their brothers and sisters. Are we moving too fast -- maybe. Do we really have a choice -- no. I will be 41 in a few weeks. Time is ticking away. Our backs are up against a wall. If we use all 8 of our frozen embryos within a few months and we are unsuccessful we will still have time for the remaining IVF we paid for. This all has to be done by the end of this year.
When I have days like I did yesterday I think even more if I'm rushing too fast. Luckily days like yesterday are far and few between anymore. So yesterday we were eating lunch at Red Lobster. Early in our lunch a pregnant lady walks by. No biggie, I'm happy for her. As we are finishing a HUGE pregnant lady walks by. I laugh at how she is waddling and get sad because I should be waddling by now. The waitress comes over and says, "Did you see her! She is pregnant with twins and is due anyday!" The waterworks start. I want to be her. I want my babies back. We sit and I compose myself enough to walk out of the restaurant, giving the pg lady enough time to get to the car so I won't see her again. Next we stop by the pool store. I stay in the car, still upset. I look over and whats in the car next to me -- of course another huge pregnant lady. Andrew comes back to the car and sees my tears and asks whats wrong. I just say look in this car. He sees her and says it Gods telling us that it happens all the time and it will happen for us too. We pull out and whats in front of us -- of course, another pregnant lady. I want nothing more than to be them!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
PUPO
Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise -- that is what I am.
Today we found out that out of our 12 embryos, 11 were still growing and thriving. They had all reached the blastocyst stage and were all good quality. The doctor said there was "no junk". Two of the embies were a little ahead of the others and the doctor suggested transfering those two and maybe one more if we wanted. We talked about it and decided to transfer 3.
The transfer was easy, just a little cramping. They offered a Valium but I didn't want it and they didn't push it. I had acupuncture before and after the transfer so I was calm and ready.
The wait is on. I will have a blood test to determine if I am pregnant around the 5th.
PUPO, a mommy in the making!
Today we found out that out of our 12 embryos, 11 were still growing and thriving. They had all reached the blastocyst stage and were all good quality. The doctor said there was "no junk". Two of the embies were a little ahead of the others and the doctor suggested transfering those two and maybe one more if we wanted. We talked about it and decided to transfer 3.
The transfer was easy, just a little cramping. They offered a Valium but I didn't want it and they didn't push it. I had acupuncture before and after the transfer so I was calm and ready.
The wait is on. I will have a blood test to determine if I am pregnant around the 5th.
PUPO, a mommy in the making!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Waiting, waiting, waiting
The wait it almost over, tomorrow is the day. I can see the clinic from our hotel window. I was just looking out the window at the clinic and thinking about our babies over there. I hope they are behaving and growing to be strong little blastocysts. Tomorrow I will come and get you!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Great Fertilization Report
Things just keep looking good. I am finally getting used to good news I think. The doctor called this morning. Out of the 17 eggs that were retrieved, 14 were mature and were injected with sperm. Out of the 14, 12 look great and are growing. We have 12 embies growing right now. The doctor said we should make it to a 5 day transfer and scheduled it for Wednesday, January 27.
To answer the question a lot of people seem to have....no, I don't want to be octomom. At age 40 that would be almost impossible anyways. The doctor suggests we transfer 3 to 4 embryos. That would give us about a 20% chance of twins and about a 1-3% chance of triplets or more.
To answer the question a lot of people seem to have....no, I don't want to be octomom. At age 40 that would be almost impossible anyways. The doctor suggests we transfer 3 to 4 embryos. That would give us about a 20% chance of twins and about a 1-3% chance of triplets or more.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Egg Retrieval Done
The egg retrieval went well this morning. We have 17 eggs. I am very pleased with the number. There was an egg in every follicle and the doctor got every last one. I just feel tired and a little dizzy. I bet I sleep most of the day away.
I was out for the procedure. Andrew was there by my side and watched the entire process.
We will get a call in the morning telling us how many eggs fertilitzed and are growing.
I was out for the procedure. Andrew was there by my side and watched the entire process.
We will get a call in the morning telling us how many eggs fertilitzed and are growing.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Nervous? Yep, a little.
Friday is getting close. I keep looking at the clock noticing how quickly time is going by. I'm a bit nervous, all the usual stuff. Will it hurt, will I get nauseated, will everything go well, will they get all the eggs, etc. Andrew and I had a nice talk this morning about how hard it is to trust the doctors but how you have no other choice. We talked about the feelings of having no control. I had some feelings about how we are going to far, but Andrew assured me we are not. We progressed to talking about our future child and how I will have to control the urge to tell a wayward teen that they have no appreciation for all we did to get them here. :)
I belong to a couple of groups on Fertility Friend. I am a member of a buddy group where we are all going through IVF at the same time. This morning it hit me that all this won't end well for one or more of the ladies. I wish we could all get our take home babies. Women who suffer infertility are some of the most caring ladies in the world. I am blessed to have people to walk the walk with me.
I will update as soon as I can tomorrow. Egg retrieval is at 8 am.
I belong to a couple of groups on Fertility Friend. I am a member of a buddy group where we are all going through IVF at the same time. This morning it hit me that all this won't end well for one or more of the ladies. I wish we could all get our take home babies. Women who suffer infertility are some of the most caring ladies in the world. I am blessed to have people to walk the walk with me.
I will update as soon as I can tomorrow. Egg retrieval is at 8 am.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Is Friday the Day?
So far I am scheduled for egg retrieval Friday at 8 am. At the appointment today I had 15 follicles that are in the mature range and 2 that are close but not quite there. My estrogen is around 4600 today. They have some concerns because my estrogen is a little high. I am at medium risk for developing OHSS an illness caused from overstimulating the ovaries. When I left the appointment this morning I wasn't for sure that Friday would be the day. I was given a medication to take only if they called me this afternoon. The medication would delay egg retrival. So far no call so I think I am good. This morning and early afternoon was a little tense hoping the phone wouldn't ring.
Tonight at 8pm I take my last two injections! I am excited about that, no more shots.
I am miserable. My back hurts, my ovaries hurt all the time, I'm crampy, moody but still hopeful. Andrew is doing a fabulous job of putting up with me. I couldn't do this without his support and the support of all my family and friends. It really helps knowing that so many people are praying and thinking about you.
Tonight at 8pm I take my last two injections! I am excited about that, no more shots.
I am miserable. My back hurts, my ovaries hurt all the time, I'm crampy, moody but still hopeful. Andrew is doing a fabulous job of putting up with me. I couldn't do this without his support and the support of all my family and friends. It really helps knowing that so many people are praying and thinking about you.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Thats a lot of eggs!
Another appointment, more blood work and more good news. They measured 16 follicles. That means I may have 16 eggs. That is a great number. The follicles grew a lot over the weekend and clinic is pleased. They called after getting my bloodwork back and my estrogen is 2748. I go back tomorrow. Egg retrieval is getting close, either Thursday or Friday.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Things are looking great
I had a great appointment today. I have a lot of follicles. They are still a little small. However, they said my ovaries are responding very well. I made a comment about my follicles being good for an old lady and she said I am responding better than a lot of 30 year olds. That made me feel really good. My ovaries look like swiss cheese full of black holes, each hole representing a follicle that likely holds an egg.
Just a minute ago the clinic called and said I am doing so well that they are decreasing my meds from 300 IU to 225 IU. My estrogen is rising very nicely and they said now my eggs just need to catch up. On Monday my estrogen was 199 and they were worried about it, Wednesday it was 687 and today it is 1423. Each follicle produces estrogen. You can get a good feel on how many follicles there are and how many will be mature by the estrogen levels. You want them high but not too high.
No appointment until Monday.
Today I am on cloud nine. Grow little eggies, grow.
Just a minute ago the clinic called and said I am doing so well that they are decreasing my meds from 300 IU to 225 IU. My estrogen is rising very nicely and they said now my eggs just need to catch up. On Monday my estrogen was 199 and they were worried about it, Wednesday it was 687 and today it is 1423. Each follicle produces estrogen. You can get a good feel on how many follicles there are and how many will be mature by the estrogen levels. You want them high but not too high.
No appointment until Monday.
Today I am on cloud nine. Grow little eggies, grow.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Roller Coaster Ride
I now see what they mean about IVF being a roller coaster ride. At first my appointment went well, the ultrasound showed 6 to 8 follicles on each ovary. She said they were still a little small so we are likely a week out from retrieval, pushed backed one day. She measured 4 follicles with the largest being about 12mm. Many of the others are right behind. Then we talked about my estrogen levels. She said they are a little low and that I should increase my meds unless the bloodwork today showed improvement. I was a little upset but tried to focus on having so many follicles.
We ate lunch and headed back to the room. My cell phone rang and it was the clinic. My estrogen rose nicely the nurse said. I should not increase my meds. Wonderful news!
We ate lunch and headed back to the room. My cell phone rang and it was the clinic. My estrogen rose nicely the nurse said. I should not increase my meds. Wonderful news!
Acupuncture
I had acupuncture last night. I loved the guy who placed the needles. He was very warm and caring and he asked tons of questions. He placed one needle in my wrist that caused a sharp electric current to flow down to my thumb, it was wild. After the treatment it felt like the needles were still there. I think his placements were right on target. I have another appointment with him at 11:15 on Saturday.
I am very aware of my ovaries now. They feel a little crampy and at time there is a sharp pain. All of this is normal. My stomach looks like a pin cushion with all the little red dots, some with slight bruising. The vein in my arm didn't cooperate last time so they took blood from my hand so my arm and hand are bruised as well. My emotions are doing well. So far I have only had one day where I wanted to cry at absolutely nothing.
Last night during the acupuncture I had clear visions of our child. The baby had Andrews beautiful brown eyes and my lips and nose, it had a very little bit of light brown hair and it had Andrews funny feet.
We are considering going to Vermont tomorrow for a driving tour of covered bridges. I am getting a little tired of this hotel room.
I am very aware of my ovaries now. They feel a little crampy and at time there is a sharp pain. All of this is normal. My stomach looks like a pin cushion with all the little red dots, some with slight bruising. The vein in my arm didn't cooperate last time so they took blood from my hand so my arm and hand are bruised as well. My emotions are doing well. So far I have only had one day where I wanted to cry at absolutely nothing.
Last night during the acupuncture I had clear visions of our child. The baby had Andrews beautiful brown eyes and my lips and nose, it had a very little bit of light brown hair and it had Andrews funny feet.
We are considering going to Vermont tomorrow for a driving tour of covered bridges. I am getting a little tired of this hotel room.
Monday, January 11, 2010
NYC and Appointment
Today we had another doctors appointment. They did bloodwork and an ultrasound. There are 9 follicles growing so far after 4 days of medications. The nurse said that was great and that more follicles can crop up because it is still early. So far everything is looking good.
We had a very busy weekend. We went to New York City and had a blast. We took the train from New Jersey to Penn Station which is right under Madison Square Gardens. Our first stop was the Empire State Building so we took off walking. The energy of the city is amazing. I loved the people and the cars, the sounds and smells. There is so much to see you don't even notice how far you are walking. Before we knew it we were there. We had lunch and then walked one more block to the entrance of the Empire State Building. We had been warned of long lines but there were none. I think the talk of cold temperatures kept everyone at home. We took the elevator to the 80th floor and then took a second elevator to the 86th floor. The views were spectacular. It was a perfectly clear day so you could see everything. I saw the Statue of Liberty, the end of the Brooklyn Bridge, the Chrysler Building, skaters at Rockefeller Center, Central Park and the ball at Times Square. It was cold but it was well worth it.
After the Empire State Building we walked to our hotel, the Marriott at Times Square. I loved the walk. We passed shops of every sort, from peep shows to bead shops.
Our room was amazing. It was large, a king size bed, large flat screen TV, sofa, chair, desk and a floor to ceiling window that looked out to the North end of Times Square. The lights filled our room. You could lay in bed and watch the different colored lights dance on the ceiling. At 10 at night our room was lit like it was daytime. Thankfully the room was also equipped with blackout curtains.
We ate dinner at The View. A restaurant on top of the Marriott that turns 360 degrees. The views were great and the food was overpriced but that is NYC.
After dinner we headed down for Times Square and walked around. People watching is so much fun. We went to several of the stores. We were on a hunt for a particular tshirt for my brother in law. We didn't find one. Hopefully what we did find will be just as great. We headed back to the room in time for my 9:00 injections and then off to sleep.
The next morning we took a cab to the Museum of Modern Art. It was AMAZING. I saw Van Gogh's Starry Starry Nights, Dali's famous painting with the melted clocks, too many Picassos to count and so much more. An amazing art museum to say the least.
z
After the museum we walked to FAO Schwarz. We had already decided to "assume the sale" and we walked around and chose the perfect toy for our baby, a Steiff bear. We also chose a toy for Megan. After the toy store a quick lunch and then a cab to the ballet.
I was very excited about the ballet. I have always love the ballet and the chance to see the New York City Ballet was a dream come true. We saw a Midsummers Nights Dream. It was everything I thought it would be and more. It was funny and it was touching. The costumes were beautiful. The children in the ballet were perfect. I could have watched it all night.
We had a very busy weekend. We went to New York City and had a blast. We took the train from New Jersey to Penn Station which is right under Madison Square Gardens. Our first stop was the Empire State Building so we took off walking. The energy of the city is amazing. I loved the people and the cars, the sounds and smells. There is so much to see you don't even notice how far you are walking. Before we knew it we were there. We had lunch and then walked one more block to the entrance of the Empire State Building. We had been warned of long lines but there were none. I think the talk of cold temperatures kept everyone at home. We took the elevator to the 80th floor and then took a second elevator to the 86th floor. The views were spectacular. It was a perfectly clear day so you could see everything. I saw the Statue of Liberty, the end of the Brooklyn Bridge, the Chrysler Building, skaters at Rockefeller Center, Central Park and the ball at Times Square. It was cold but it was well worth it.
After the Empire State Building we walked to our hotel, the Marriott at Times Square. I loved the walk. We passed shops of every sort, from peep shows to bead shops.
Our room was amazing. It was large, a king size bed, large flat screen TV, sofa, chair, desk and a floor to ceiling window that looked out to the North end of Times Square. The lights filled our room. You could lay in bed and watch the different colored lights dance on the ceiling. At 10 at night our room was lit like it was daytime. Thankfully the room was also equipped with blackout curtains.
We ate dinner at The View. A restaurant on top of the Marriott that turns 360 degrees. The views were great and the food was overpriced but that is NYC.
After dinner we headed down for Times Square and walked around. People watching is so much fun. We went to several of the stores. We were on a hunt for a particular tshirt for my brother in law. We didn't find one. Hopefully what we did find will be just as great. We headed back to the room in time for my 9:00 injections and then off to sleep.
The next morning we took a cab to the Museum of Modern Art. It was AMAZING. I saw Van Gogh's Starry Starry Nights, Dali's famous painting with the melted clocks, too many Picassos to count and so much more. An amazing art museum to say the least.
z
After the museum we walked to FAO Schwarz. We had already decided to "assume the sale" and we walked around and chose the perfect toy for our baby, a Steiff bear. We also chose a toy for Megan. After the toy store a quick lunch and then a cab to the ballet.
I was very excited about the ballet. I have always love the ballet and the chance to see the New York City Ballet was a dream come true. We saw a Midsummers Nights Dream. It was everything I thought it would be and more. It was funny and it was touching. The costumes were beautiful. The children in the ballet were perfect. I could have watched it all night.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
First Appointment
Today I had my first appointment with the clinic. Everything went very well. My ovaries were quiet, no cysts so we received the approval to move ahead with the IVF. They went over what meds I take when and gave instructions on how to do the injections. I will begin taking the injections tomorrow night.
The clinic has a wellness spa upstairs. I made an appointment with the acupuncturist before seeing the doctor. I loved my acupuncturist. She has been practicing for over 20 years and 13 of those were in China. She gave me some tips, no spicy foods, heating pad on low heat before bed until egg retrieval, eat more non acidic fruits, plenty of rest. The spa was very nice, you feel relaxed the minute you walk in. Drew waited for me in the relaxation room and feel asleep in front of the fireplace. The sheets on the acu table were the softest I have ever felt. Everything felt perfect.
The clinic was equally as comfortable. From the fireplace to the comfy chairs to the books on positive thinking, everything is just right. Every staff person we encountered was friendly and helpful. Everyone seemed to enjoy what they do and they all have positive attitudes. I couldn't have asked for a better clinic. I really feel we were led here for a reason.
A side note, we have visited the beach twice. The first time at Sandy Hook I encountered a baby doll shoe on the beach. On the second beach trip to Asbury Park the only thing out of place on the beach was a baby teether. I believe our child is leaving us messages. Faith and hope, they feel wonderful.
The clinic has a wellness spa upstairs. I made an appointment with the acupuncturist before seeing the doctor. I loved my acupuncturist. She has been practicing for over 20 years and 13 of those were in China. She gave me some tips, no spicy foods, heating pad on low heat before bed until egg retrieval, eat more non acidic fruits, plenty of rest. The spa was very nice, you feel relaxed the minute you walk in. Drew waited for me in the relaxation room and feel asleep in front of the fireplace. The sheets on the acu table were the softest I have ever felt. Everything felt perfect.
The clinic was equally as comfortable. From the fireplace to the comfy chairs to the books on positive thinking, everything is just right. Every staff person we encountered was friendly and helpful. Everyone seemed to enjoy what they do and they all have positive attitudes. I couldn't have asked for a better clinic. I really feel we were led here for a reason.
A side note, we have visited the beach twice. The first time at Sandy Hook I encountered a baby doll shoe on the beach. On the second beach trip to Asbury Park the only thing out of place on the beach was a baby teether. I believe our child is leaving us messages. Faith and hope, they feel wonderful.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Jersey
We made it to New Jersey on Sunday. Today we visited Andrews old neighborhood. It was fun seeing the house where he grew up. He pointed out all his childhood stomping places. I could almost picture him as a little boy running though the woods.
After visiting the old neighborhood we stopped by his friend Howies (also our host) Tshirt screening shop. I learned how to screen a Tshirt. We chatted and then went to lunch at a neighborhood Italian restaurant. It was really Italian. Nothing like that in Oklahoma.
Our next adventure was to visit the Atlantic Ocean. I have never seen the Atlantic Ocean before. We visited the Twin Lights Lighthouse and then drove to Sandy Hook. The beach was deserted. It was so incredibly cold but it was still fun. I love hearing waves. As we walked along the beach there was a tiny doll shoe...a good sign perhaps? We also collected some shells and also saw a dead sting ray.
I called the clinic to report the start of my period. My first appointment is Wednesday at 1:30. Onward and upward.
After visiting the old neighborhood we stopped by his friend Howies (also our host) Tshirt screening shop. I learned how to screen a Tshirt. We chatted and then went to lunch at a neighborhood Italian restaurant. It was really Italian. Nothing like that in Oklahoma.
Our next adventure was to visit the Atlantic Ocean. I have never seen the Atlantic Ocean before. We visited the Twin Lights Lighthouse and then drove to Sandy Hook. The beach was deserted. It was so incredibly cold but it was still fun. I love hearing waves. As we walked along the beach there was a tiny doll shoe...a good sign perhaps? We also collected some shells and also saw a dead sting ray.
I called the clinic to report the start of my period. My first appointment is Wednesday at 1:30. Onward and upward.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Illinois
We have stopped for the night in Greenville, IL. We drove through some snow but nothing too bad. We were going to visit Cleveland but they are having way too much snow so we have decided to abandon those plans and stay south for as long as possible.
New Adventure - New Hope
Today we leave for New York. Our desire for a child has led us to a clinic in Albany, New York. We will soon begin an IVF cycle.
First a warning, I don't have much modesty. I don't mind telling it like it is. I am no longer embarassed about anything having to do with getting pregnant. Sometimes it might be too much information. I hope no one is offended.
We have tried a number of things over the almost 2 1/2 years to have a child but we haven't been successful. I have taken fertility medications, peed on a million sticks, taken shots, taken my temperature every morning too many times, had artificial inseminations, check cervical position and cervical fluids and yes, I have just relaxed. Truth is neither Drew or I are young.
Here is a brief description of what we are doing in New York, an IVF intro:
On the third day or so after I start my period I will being injecting myself several times a day with fertility medications. One of the meds helps me grow a large number of eggs. The other med keeps me from ovulating or releasing the eggs to my fallopian tubes. I take these meds for around 10 days. During these 10 days the doctors keep a very close eye on me. I will have bloodwork and ultrasounds every other day or every third day in the beginning and when the eggs start reaching maturity I will go in every day.
Once the eggs are mature I will stop the meds I have been taking and I will inject another drug (trigger) which helps the eggs with the final stage of maturation. This drug also causes ovulation so it has to be timed precisely with egg retrieval.
36 hours after the trigger I go to the clinic, I am sedated and all the eggs are retrieved. It is done via the vagina with a super long needle and guided by ultrasound. I will then rest for a bit and they count the eggs. Drew would have done his part in a cup. Each eggs is then injected with one sperm. This is called ICSI. The egg/sperm combos are left to rest and you pray they fertilize.
3 days after the eggs are injected they will look at them and hopefully we have some beautiful embryos. The clinic will look at the eggs and if they are doing really well and we have quite a few we may wait until day 5 to transfer them. If the number is few and they aren't the top of the line we will transfer them on day 3. The grade them based on the number of cells they have, if they have fragmentation, and how they look.
After the embryos are placed into my uterus we wait. We should know in about two weeks if we are going to be parents.
We appreciate all thoughts and prayers.
First a warning, I don't have much modesty. I don't mind telling it like it is. I am no longer embarassed about anything having to do with getting pregnant. Sometimes it might be too much information. I hope no one is offended.
We have tried a number of things over the almost 2 1/2 years to have a child but we haven't been successful. I have taken fertility medications, peed on a million sticks, taken shots, taken my temperature every morning too many times, had artificial inseminations, check cervical position and cervical fluids and yes, I have just relaxed. Truth is neither Drew or I are young.
Here is a brief description of what we are doing in New York, an IVF intro:
On the third day or so after I start my period I will being injecting myself several times a day with fertility medications. One of the meds helps me grow a large number of eggs. The other med keeps me from ovulating or releasing the eggs to my fallopian tubes. I take these meds for around 10 days. During these 10 days the doctors keep a very close eye on me. I will have bloodwork and ultrasounds every other day or every third day in the beginning and when the eggs start reaching maturity I will go in every day.
Once the eggs are mature I will stop the meds I have been taking and I will inject another drug (trigger) which helps the eggs with the final stage of maturation. This drug also causes ovulation so it has to be timed precisely with egg retrieval.
36 hours after the trigger I go to the clinic, I am sedated and all the eggs are retrieved. It is done via the vagina with a super long needle and guided by ultrasound. I will then rest for a bit and they count the eggs. Drew would have done his part in a cup. Each eggs is then injected with one sperm. This is called ICSI. The egg/sperm combos are left to rest and you pray they fertilize.
3 days after the eggs are injected they will look at them and hopefully we have some beautiful embryos. The clinic will look at the eggs and if they are doing really well and we have quite a few we may wait until day 5 to transfer them. If the number is few and they aren't the top of the line we will transfer them on day 3. The grade them based on the number of cells they have, if they have fragmentation, and how they look.
After the embryos are placed into my uterus we wait. We should know in about two weeks if we are going to be parents.
We appreciate all thoughts and prayers.
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